Pagi : Ujian
Siang : Makan siang
Sore : Ke Kamal, Ke Gramed
Sorean lagi : Kampus
Malem : Kafe Halaman

Ahhh.. bisa dibilang tidak terlalu banyak waktu yang dihabiskan dengan bengang-bengong saja, kan? Hari ini terasa penuh, waktu terpakai dengan maksimal, gw suka ini. Habisnya kadang-kadang disaat gw ada waktu luang, kebanyakan orang memilih untuk langsung pulang. Gw? Gw justru malas kalo cepet pulang. Gw ngerasa useless kalo udah pulang, soalnya pasti gw nyampe rumah tu OL. OL pasti ampe ngantuk, trus mampir kamar bonyok bentar ikut nonton, trus? Tidur.. halahh.. bener, kan useless? Itulah alasan gw kenapa suka pulang malem.. Selesaikan sosialisasi di luar rumah.

Ya, mungkin ada yang bilang sosialisasi bentuk gw itu juga termasuk useless. Emang bentuknya kaya apa? Kadang cuma ngopi doang, makan, ngobrol di kosan temen, dulu sih suka nongkrong di unit. Duh, tuhkan, jadi inget.. udah lama banget ya gw ga ke unit.. ke LFM.. jaman dulu pewe banget nongkron disana. Yah, mungkin juga gara-gara mantan gw yang kurang ajar itu. Most of my time spent just to wait for someone who's never show up. Ahh, hate those moments. Kalo dipikir-pikir dia cukup merusak kehidupan sosialisasi gw juga, ya? Eh, ga juga, deng... gw jadi lebih sering di himpunan gara-gara dia, dan dapet temen-temen baru, ya anak-anak 2003 itu. Ehhhh, lha kok jadi melenceng gini ya bahasannya??? curhat colongan gini.. (yaaa, namanya juga blog gw.. suka2, dong--euhh!)

Yahh, begitulah pokonya..

Oiya, tadi si lala ngeliat gw pas balik dari Gramed itu. Kan gw perginya ma si mantan, eh, emang semudah itu, ya balikan ma mantan? Si Lala dengan entengnya bilang "Balikan, lo?" halahhh.. Laa.... Tapi emang sih, kalo orang laen melihat itu juga mungkin aneh. Tapi, mo gimana lagi? Kangen? kaga juga, let's say, he's my friend now, just to keep in touch? Trust me, I really try not to think much of him now. When it's over, it is really over. So, no turning back for those pathetic moments, please.. I'd love to taste sweeter romance, better one please!


cuplikan adegan pagi after-exam..

"Oh, ada ya pop art? Waduh, lupa gw ada arsitektur gituan..mampus, gw! Jadi gimana, dam? Terangin ke gw, dong.." Seorang ajeng yang bodoh bertanya.

"Ya, jadi, Jeng, kan ada International Style 1, International style 2, Post-Modern, Nah, disitu ada pop-art, dekonstruktivis, ..bla..bla..bla.." Adam berusaha menerangkan.

... seperti yang udah gw tulis di caption awal :
cuplikan adegan pagi after-exam..
means : ujian sudah berlalu, lo baru bertanya, jeng??? Please..

broken heart

I just can't easily define normal things now. What seems normal to you is just awkward to me. Or may be unusual to be true for me. For I act less of expecation..Less of hope.. Or even none of them. Have I lost the taste of life itself? That used to be colorful? Used to be beautiful in front of me.

I don't have any idea now of what that's best for me. For that I lost my happiness. For that I see you worthless. For that I waste my time. For the sake of love. I don't know is it love anymore. Coz love should also contains respect .. I can't see it on us.

People watching me like i'm such a doll. Not that i'm pretty. It's just that maybe for some of them, they may have judged me as a doll that've been fooled around.. played around. Another piece of toy of you.

So what do I expect now?

Guy who can respect me for what I am
Guy who can take care of me
Guy who notices me
Guy who understands me
Someone who's really not You

I can't believe what I've done to myself. Keeping myself tied up in tears for what seems like forever. I just can say I was wrong in the first place.

This place now is so uncomfortable. Seems like I can't breathe easily. Do I allergic to you now? What have I done to myself? I've been pretty tolerable and so so patient. Seems I've been fooled. I'm such a dummy.

How could you? Why couldn't you at least choose someone else.

I have some times thought to myself that things were going to be better. You'd be better. But I've seen nothing of you has been any better. Why? Have I been so pathetic for you? Have I been annoying all the time? All the time I asked for NORMAL tasks of a boyfriend. The things you should've done? For God's sake..how could you?

And you know what's the worst? I'm beginning to feel this kind of trauma.. I don't know.. You've hurted me so bad. I'm so torn.

When I came to stop by in the real world, I can see how pathetic you are as a boyfriend. How I should've dumped you a long time ago! But I've been so naively live in a wonderworld. No logical thing..

My tears, do you worth any drop of them?
My fears, all you've given me..
The broken heart?
Tell me you don't worth it all along.
But if you do, why don't you be any better?
For God's sake..
For me..
For the love that you told me you felt inside your heart?
Don't tell me it's been lie all along
But if it is, please end it now.

Stop making me cry
Stop hurting my soul
Stop reducing my appetite
Stop wasting my time

For what I've done to you. At least you owe me some explanations. I still want to hear them. It's for me, now.

I hope there'd still be us..
but if it'd be just i and you, i'll face it with my head held up high...


...and LOVE

So , tell me what love is..help me devine it

Very unlike you, I try to understand you. But you keep on running away from me..that leaves a trauma in here.

I don't care what might happen after I publish this piece. If some people came out upset, I don't care. Coz for this case, I can't care of anyone else. I can't. I just need all the energy to keep myself alive.

I feel like you lied to me. Why can't you just tell me? or may be explain why'd you did those? I do think it's unexplainable. Just tell me, still with her? Still left there? your heart? The one you promised me? remember?

Now that word means nothing to me.

Don't promise someone things you can't promise.

Don't give someone the thing that you don't want to give.

Everything you've done to me, people just under-estimate you.. you ask for it.

You know I don't trust you. You know it so well, and may be that's the easiest part you can beat me. you knock me down.. down to the deepest well of uncountable tears.

Why can't you learn to teach me how to trust you? Or is it really nothing I should trust? coz it's a lie instead of a fact.

Don't say you don't understand what i'm writing in here.. coz it's so damn clear for you to realize..

You broke my heart apart

you torn my still-on-self-learning-believe trust

you hurt me so damn hard..

you stabbed my back

and the worst part...you don't even say you're sorry....

tears wont fall again, just be aware...

"For God's sake, I'm not a Kid!!!"

Gosh, I wanna say it to my mom LOUD!!!!!