LOVE

Kenapa rasanya jadi gitu, ya? Ko beda?

Oiya, kmaren gw sempet menulis satu post yang lumayan...umm..aneh. Maklum, lagi PMS(pasca, sih, bukan pra..ya, deket-deketlah). Tapi post itu udah gw tarik dari peredaran. Masa iya, gw buka itu ke forum umum. Duu, jeng.. harus lebih sedikit tertutup. Masa iya lo ga punya a touch of privacy? Please don't you reveal them all. That's the point! privacy..



Oiya lagi, dua hari yang lalu, gw baru baca quotes yang tertempel di madin-G (a.k.a madingnya anak G). Ada satu quote yang paling gw suka. Semua orang pastinya udah tau dan ngeh soal quote yang satu ini:

"Love doesn't have a happy ending
Love doesn't have an ending."

Gw lupa penulisnya sapa. Tapi yang penting quotenya cukup nancep di hati dan otak. Ya, kan?

And I hope that love would stick on me for the rest of my life, and yours too.

like a newlywed!

Even though I'm such a pain in the ass
Even though I can't give any good thing
I can only give that stare
I can only share my time

Even though I made you get hurt
Most of the time you recovered
And you chose to move forward
Rejected or not, didn't even matter

I did it all to you
I put you up, I put you down
Yet, you've never thought
of sneaking out of the box

It's like a newlywed
Everything's fresh and new
I'm starting on flipping the first page
I got a new character that is you

I'll see you tomorrow, the day after and everyday, the rest of my life...

SERIOUSLY

Susah, ya berurusan sama orang yang kelewat sensitif. Mereka terlalu menggunakan hati mereka dalam semua masalah.

Even for a joke. Yea, even for a joke. Well, you took it too seriously and you felt like throwing me out of the line, huh? Admit it. I know. When you said "Seriously, ..." That's enough to shut me up. It did work, and it did hurt.

FYI, I don't need it. I just thought it would be fun to spend time with friends. Moreover, when it's for free. But, SERIOUSLY, you didn't like it at all, and SERIOUSLY, you didn't even willing to.

So, this is the situation:

Few months ago, there's a project. I wasn't working for it at all. Not my project. It's THEIR project.

Last night, they're having a dinner for free. Sure, they got the money from the project.

From the beginning, they asked few friends to come with them because some of them (who's in the project) couldn't come, and they have like few seats empty. And they insist on having the dinner last night. So they asked us to come, even though we weren't in the project.

One of them seemed like didn't like the idea of asking us to come and enjoy the dinner with them. All along the way to the place, he talked about one of them who couldn't come eventhough he's the one who work so hard. He wished he could've come.

Yea, right, like you really mean it. I know you mean it someway, but in one way, I know you don't.

You know I have my pride. I won't let you think that I don't have a brain, a heart, or a soul. I know what's wrong and what's right. And coming with you all last night is absolutely a very wrong decision. I should've thought about it in the first place. I shouldn't have started that joke. I shouldn't have blown your emotion. I know you were angry, I'm sorry.

But on my mind, if you were angry, you would say what you really mean. And you've said it all. Don't be such a hypocrite. Just do what you want to do. Thanks to you, I feel dizzy this morning for the last-night-crying-moment. Thanks to you.

SERIOUSLY, if you had thought about not letting me come along, You should have dismissed me in the first place.

One more thing, I don't think you have my sense of humour. I wont mess up with you again. Not again. I've had enough.

Lo bilang sori, oke, gw terima.Gw tau gw juga salah. Ga seharusnya gw becanda kaya gitu. Gw minta maaf.Tapi, satu hal yang gw ga suka. Lo ga jujur dari pertama, kalo emang lo ga rela, bilang aja. itu cukup ko. Waktu lo bilang " Serius gw, gw ga suka lo, .., .., .., ga ngasi kontribusi apapun." Gw tau dari situ, lo emang ga pernah rela. Nggak sedetik pun lo rela buat gw untuk gabung disitu. Gw yakin sepanjang perjalanan lo mikirin itu terus. Gw tau itu bukan hak gw, karena itu gw ga ikut semalem. Gw masih punya malu, kan? Apalagi setelah kenyang diomongin kaya gitu sama lo. Puas, gw puas!

Forgiven.

Not forgotten.

But I'm sorry too for my joke.

sepi..

Sepi, ya?

Kriiiik..kriiiik....

Huh! Orang-orang pada kemana, sih?

Ziiiiiinng..

Pengen deh balik ke liburan. Semua sekarang sibuk ama kegiatan sendiri-sendiri. Gw juga gitu. Gw sebel.

Haaahhh...

Coba aja, gw punya waktu 26 jam sehari, seengaknya kan gw bisa gunain 2 jam tambahan itu buat maen-maen, sosialisasi ama yang lainnya. Gw kan makhluk sosial.

Tapi, kalo waktunya 26 jam sehari, gw tambah cepet tua, nggak, ya?

Hmm...

Udahlah, kaya gini aja udah cukup, kok. Gw juga gini-gini masih bisa ketawa-ketawa. Lagian, lo bakal sangat lebih menghargai waktu kalau lo cuma punya sedikit.

Oiya, belakangan cuacanya aneh, ya? Malem ampe subuh dinginnya minta ampun, tapi giliran siang dikit, jam 9 an aja udah panas. Panasnya nggak nahan pula! Tapi langit kayanya cerah-cerah aja, gara-gara itu ya panasnya jadi kerasa banget? Wahhh...

Tadi malem (dini hari) gw kan lagi di kampus, mengikuti prosesi *halah..* palantikan salah satu unit di kampus gw. Pas malem-malem itu gw keluar buat nyari makanan pengganjal perut yang cukup kosong. Ternyata, udara malem itu berawan, tapi awannya kecil-kecil. Intinya, langit tadi malem indah banget. Banget! Terus banyak bintang, lagi. Emang sih nggak banyak-banyak amat, tapi lumayanlah.

Tapi tetep aja sepi. Coba lo bayangin, tar gw mo nonton salah satu film yang booming dan mengambil tempat shooting di kampus gw itu cuma berdua! Bayangin. Semuanya pada kemana, sih?? Kalian dimana? Kok sepi...

Sepi....Semuanya sibuk sendiri..

Sepi...

relieved

I've just read the testimonials on one of my friends's friendster profile. There's some girl missing her boyfriend [whom is my friend], I guess. What I mean by 'I guess' here is that perhaps, if I'm not mistaken, this girl is his girlfriend. They're living in a long distance relationship. And umm.. I just thought it was funny. that's all.

Dia senang, Dia juga senang, dan Aku pun senang.

One relieve shot hit on this land. This land used to mourn for water and wind and life. But out of the blue that hand pull the trigger and shot. Let that bullet fly, aim on me. I didn't try to dodge it, somehow this time I try to face it. May be a sudden hell or a sudden heaven.
Used to feel stressed out. Seemed like the air doesn't want to compromise. It doesn't even care. Doesn't even give a damn. The water doesn't even want to show up. Feel like hiding somewhere afraid to touch this land.
Til the sun came and told me how beautiful life is where I could try to reach and try to increase this land's value of life. I believe it, the sun has already watched this planet the whole day and compare this land to the most beautiful land. The sun told me how wonderful the other side of this planet is. Which is not my territory. sky's blue, water's flowing in the river, flower's blooming, bird's singing, all the optimum stage of what nature can give. Giving me hope and will to improve this land.
Millions of wishes and prayers I made. And I know that I have to reach my own goal. Even though it's hard, I have to do it for the sake of having a good value of life.
So first I start to dig the land search for water supply.
I just don't know how it just burst out like an arthesist water. And I thank God for every drop of it.
I was so surprised that this land that I neglected just recovered. I feel relieved. So I start it all again. Build it all again. We're cool now. But she said.. what if.. and I answer..well, then.. told him that.


Aku senang, Dia senang, dan Semua pun senang.


Let's burry all bad memories and lay on the grass as we watch the stars shine on us.
Let's keep the treasure untouched until we know when we'll open it again.
Let's hope for a new blessed beginning.
Let's pray to make the greatest land on this planet.
Let's work together.
Let it flow like the water in the river in our newly-developed-land.
Let's see what we can only see.
Let's look without any telescope.
Let's face whatever may happen.
Let's stick on the word 'alltogether'
Let me write this.
don't ask why

can hardly smile for now

I just want to cry..

Seems like all happened at once. Those that'd made me sick. Yea, that word, sick, best define how I feel today. Sick. Sick of some things happened today.

My friend was like starting to joke around while, I didn't think it was that funny. Pretty much made me sick.

I got the most-hated person on my department as my-group-personal-lecturer.

I attend this meeting and all of a sudden, I forgot that my friend have to come to my house do this measuring thing, some constructional thing that we think have to be done by today. And for my mistake, forgetting, I should measure it myself.

I have a personal 'heart' disease. I don't have the cure yet.

I think I lost this battery charger. I need to use it.

Cold night.

One more thing= pre-menstrual-syndrome a.k.a. PMS

One very last thing, I should wake up early in the morning tomorrow.

HATE MONDAY!

Kenapa pula si blogger ini.. sebel. Kenapa pake aneh2 segala

Gw hari ini bete..huhhh!
Dapet dosen pembimbing unpredictable..gw takut. Entah kenapa aura yang gwa rasain klo ketemu ama dia tuh bukan berasa kuliah, tapi sekolah. Gatau kenapa. Gw serasa mikir yaa kaya yang jadi serba takutan aja kalo deket-deket dia. Kaya dia tuh guru yang killer. Jadi takut banget bawaannya. Padahal, he's no teacher, he's a d**n lecturer. Tadinya si as long as he's not my dosen-pembimbing, ya gapapa, tapi in this case.. gw jadi tekanan batin gini, ya?? Sebell... Well, at least tar tugas yang bareng ama client diganti lagi dosen pembimbingnya. Tapi, gwa masi blon dapet jackpot juga sih, asal jangan yang satu itu aja. Plis, ya.. Masa harus kejar-kejaran ama dosen pembimbing? Yang bener aja, Duh, jangan dosen yang satu itu aja, deh..
Terusann yang bikin gw bete lagi.. ada lahh.. pokonya gw ga enak nyebutinnya. Sebel-lah pokonya. Nyebelin.
Terusann yang bikin gw tambah bete lagi, charger digicam gw entah dimana! Sebellll... padahal temen gw minta tolong motoin tangga di rumah gw. Tapi digicam gw ga bisa nyala, ya, yang mengindikasikan kalo baterenya totally abis.
BETE
Kenapa juga si harus bete? Ini kan hari pertama kuliah. Harusnya gw seneng. Gw tau si sebenernya orang lain emang berpikir sebel dan benci ama yang namanya hari pertama kuliah. Tapi, untuk sekarang ini gw ngerasa hepi-hepi aja kemaren. Gw seneng soalnya bisa ketemu temen-temen lagi, bisa beraktivitas lagi, ya, rame-rame lagi lah. Begitulah, intinya gw ngerasa hari pertama bakal menyenangkan, Turned out totally different.
I hate Monday! Mana kuliah mulai jam 7, lagi.. Padahal semester ganjil kemaren senen mulai kuliah jam 9. Sebel gw, mana dapetnya dia lagi.. sang Koordinator. Gw kan ga bisa telat-telat lagi datengnya. Mana ada telat ama ni dosen? Padahal, semester kemaren gw dateng studio jam 10..11.. halah, pokonya sesuka hatilah. Ini? Mana bisa?!?
I really hate Monday, now! For sure!
Well, I don't have any idea bout the next Monday. Maybe it's just too many irritating things happened today, on Monday. Oh God, please forgive me for hating Monday..

And you know what? The thing I used to do when I got a bad mood is just laying on my bed trying to fantasize blessful things. Trying to get myself a good night sleep. Just being away from the boredom. Away from the thing that'd made me sick. Just away. But I can't since I have to help my friend do the job. the task. I hate it. I so much hate it. I HATE IT!!!

kartu penunda kelulusan

Ajeng & Dania : "Haaahh?!?"
Bapak 1 :"Iya, jadi kalo mau lulus harus nunjukin kartu perpustakaan dulu."
Ajeng : "Loh, ko gitu, pak?"
Bapak 1 : "iya, itu salah satu syarat kelulusannya. Nanti kalian nggak bisa lulus loh kalo nggak ada kartunya."
Bapak 2 : "Oiya, kartu perpustakaan disini berlaku di 10 departemen lho. Makanya, harusnya cepet-cepet diurusin."
Ajeng : "Walah, pak. Tapi saya dulu TPBnya barengan sama anak SR, takutnya susah buat dihubungin. Dan..gimana?"
Bapak 1 : "Memang banyak kok mahasiswa yang mikir 'Ahh..cuma kartu perpus doang, gampanglah ngurusnya'. Salah, itu!"
Dania : "Jadi gimana dong, pak?"
....bla bla bla....


Dania : "Jeng, cuma kartu perpus doang, gitu. Nunda kelulusan?!?"
Ajeng : "Gimana nih, Dan? Gwa takutnya anak-anak SR udah pada ngurusin sendiri."
Dania : "Yaudah, ntar kita tanya aja. Gwa punya nomer anak SR, ko"
Ajeng : "Iya, deh. Nyusahin ternyata kartu perpus, yaa"
Dania : "Iya, baru tau banget, gw. Tapi, toh emang kita butuh kartu perpus, kan?"
....bla bla bla....

letter to a friend, sorry.

Letter to a friend.
I want to wrote but I got no stamps,
I have an envelope, a pen, and a piece of paper.
But no stamps so I can't send you letter.
I guess I'll just have to type it here.
e-cards.
e-mails.
This is a big world, ain't it?
Full of wonderfull super-intelligent inventors.
I used you.
You knew it.
You used me too.
We both are even.
In my thought.
Just in my thought, but I'm wrong.
I needed a shoulder.
You needed it as well.
I took advantage of you.
Being nice and all.
Doesn't mean that I didn't mean it.
I just had an inner thought.
I liked you.
I thought I really liked you.
But so bitch of me.
You can do anything you want.
I used you.
But I kinda feel right in some way.
You knew I knew you're not over her.
But you don't know what's with me now.
I think, it's been a mistake.
Having your shoulder and all.
I am so sorry.
I really really mean it.
I admit that I used you.
But there's one thing that I'm still not sure of.
I can't trust my lust.
I can't trust my mind,
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I need.
I don't know if I'm going to regret this.
But I know that I've done wrong.
I was so out of my mind.
I wasn't thinking.
But.
If I ever regret this.
it'll be my fault.
For having such an unworthy untrusty feeling.
I can't trust my own feeling.
It always stabbed my back.
Like that one day in my past.
I was crying for God's sake it was just because I trusted my feeling.
I was all wrong.
And as a result.
I cried.
I was hurt by myself.
I don't know what I should do now.
I don't think you'll ever forgive me.
But I'd rather do preventive actions than fix a broken friendship.
Sorry.
I am so sorry.
SORRY.
But.
May I ask you one more thing.
Since I can't trust my feelings, would you please not to turn your back from me?
I hurt you.
I used you.
And I ask for more.
I'm such a piece of work, ain't I?
I am truly sorry for what I did.

sincerely yours.

trap, old trap

There is something that deep inside my heart and brain I want the most. But it's all I really want. Nothing will ever occupy me for that. Nothing. Not through breaking a bunch of rules. That's just what I want to do, it's not what I have to do. And what I want to do is really out of mind. I have a commitment that I promise not to break. The hell, who dumb I'll be to break my own commitment that's already slipped through my mouth? But, I thought in this circumstance that I settle in was going okay and absolutely fine always meets trouble. The same old trouble. The same old rattling snake that's trying to bite me. The same trap. I know I might be wrong calling it as a trap. But it's all that happened. And I'm caught up in a trap.

And so I lost again..

naive to be fooled once, and dumb to be fooled twice, super-idiot to be fooled the hudredth times.