"I Miss You So Much" - TLC

I never asked for this feeling

I never thought I would fall

I never knew how I felt

Till the day you were gone

I was lost

I never asked for red roses

I wasn't looking for love

Somehow I let my emotions take hold

And guess what all at once

I'm in love

[Chorus:]

Oh I miss you so much

I long for your love

It's scares me

Cuz my heart gets so weak

That I can't even breathe

How can you take things so easily

Baby why aren't you missing me?

Why did I act like you mattered

It was silly of me to believe

That if I just opened my heart

Things would come naturally

Jokes on me (yeah)

I did not ask for love letters

So why did you give them to me

How could I let your intentions

Get hold over me

So in love

So naive (oh baby)

[Chorus]

And oh how

I hate what you have done

Made me fall so deep in love

Got no cure

You're the only one I want

That I love oh baby

[Chorus]

Baby why aren't you missing me?

Baby why aren't you missing me?

"Why" - Avril Lavigne

Why, do you always do this to me?

Why, couldn't you just see through me?

How come, you act like this, like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away

I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

[Chorus:]

It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying

Let's play, a different game than what we're playing

Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?

I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away

I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

[Chorus]

So go and think about whatever you need to think about

Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about

And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel

I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away

I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why

These songs pretty much reflect my heart..say I mourn for a touch of love.

"please don't blow the candle, I'm still
searching for it deep inside this cave."

And all came crushing me like continous hurricanes. Came crushing. Is there anything that I can keep? Is there anything that worth my pain, my patient? Like if I waited for a temporary heaven on earth. Like It would happen to me.

Oh, where is the world I long for? Can I ever get into a peaceful mind? Will I ever get there? I hate being like this. Eventhough people say I should take it easily with no hard thinking and feeling, I still can't.

This anxiousness is driving me insane. I tried to be cool, didn't work. I tried to ignore, didn't work. I tried to think of any other stuff in life, still, didn't work! Oh, God.. I never thought it would be this hard. I didn't know I'd stab my heart. Have I been wrong in the first place? Have I been too selfish in the first place that finally I caught myself in trouble? I guess I took it too easily, selfishly. Tell me who can break the spell? Tell me who can get rid of my anxiousness? Tell me who can give me back my pride? I have longed for a joyful scent.

I long for your love. Should I do a suicide? Should I stand on the edge of any building and jump? Should I care for no more?

One said that I should do the same as the way I've been treated
One said I should show love.

I feel love when I say it. Tell me who can say it better?

One of my thousands of hopes, One of the ropes that I've been trying to hold is loosing..

Or is it the owner that's loosing it?

And me? I'm holding it tight, though my hands hurt.

For whatever it takes, I'll hold it tight.

"And so, they told me these.."

I tried to hold back my tears. I succeed, but it might be coz I'd already poured too many tears and my well ran dry. I didn't want to let her see me crying. I explained all of it. Not all, precisely. Just the main case that I was facing. She was there watching me as I drew line by line to make the project drawing ( Hell, I dont know what the name is). She accompanied me 'til midnight, 'til she finally colapsed and snored.. I didn't know it would be that releiving. She told me so many things that some had already been told by my bestfriends. She persued me to understand that this ship is made of woods and nails. And there are some leaking on some corners, those need to be taken care of.

"The problem is how you both keep it tight. Communication is number one."

"Maybe, just maybe, he's the type of man that need to be told"

"You guys just need to hang out more often"

"Just chill, he chose you!"

"You know what? Funny when he finally said: "she's the one" "

"Some guys never really notice what women want, they just need to be awakened."

"Try put your expectation lower. With that, when you finally get what you think as a higher expectation, it would feel like a bonus. "

He said He'll try, and I'm sure he's going to try.Though it's hard, I should trst him no matter what. I will, I will..

Cool


Can I act as cool as I used to be?
Where is the old me?
Have I got myself changed?
Or is it my space that's changed?

So so many careless runs I can't count.
But then there's this gravel sprayed on the ground
I'm starting on watching my steps carefully
I'm being more sensitive, or is it the real me?

As I think of the oddness of me,
I still have it inside me.
I'll find my real personality
New or else the old of me

In the meantime, I really need my carelessness

"Oh how girls love surprises!"

People many times say that. But that's the fact. Girls do love surprises. Even boys do. Well, in fact, who doesn't? People usually give surprises to make the person who got surprised feel happy. Surprises are meant to be unforgettable. Some people may also do that surprising thing to make them become memorial. There are may be many other reason that I don't know yet. Some people who've done it may also just said "I just wanted to do it" Still, surprise is an unforgettable thing.

This moment, I put that photo to remember the moment when he first surprised me. He took me out for an afternoon meal. He didn't want to tell me where he'd bring me. My heart jumping like popcorns popping out from the heater-machine-whatever-it-called. Where did he try to bring me? I was questioning like I could have the answer as soon as my brain start to think. But I had no idea.

And as he park there, he said "You wanna eat sushi, right? It's on me."

I couldn't stop smiling. I stay grinning all along. I couldn't stop thinking on how he remembered me wanting to go there. What a surprise for me. I'd never thought of him giving surprises, and he gave me one.

After the shocking effect, I started on feeling like choosing the guy-of-unexpected-things. And if in the future even in this present situation things are not the way I used to expect, then I should catch up with whatever may or did happen.

Taken from this dictionary :
surprise
• noun (1) a feeling of mild astonishment or shock caused by something unexpected. (2) an unexpected or astonishing thing

I just took the noun-meaning coz it's in the context.

TeLL Me


How many tears have I cried for you?
How many fears that I hide inside me?
I still don't know you
Will you ever understand me?

I tried to sleep like child
But I can't stand the nightmare
If I go for miles and miles,
will you ever care?

I got dragged inside your cave
I got drowned into your lake
where are you instead?
Not in my cave, neither my lake..

Share me your stories
Sing me lullabies
Tell me fairytales
Try change my vision

I know it's rough
But I got to be tough
But when is enough
will ever be enough?

My love for you chained me
'til hell burns and melts the chain down
Til you effortlessly keep me
And I'll wait to be put in a box of lost-and-found

What you did to keep me beside you?
What you did to comfort me?
Appropriate for me to hate you
No reason for you to hurt me

Is there any reason?
Is there any answer?
tell me what happened
lately, I've had no laughter

17/03/06

what is unseen..

I can't trust on things that I can never see
You say it's invisible, that I will never see
What if I say I don't understand?
I should've felt it, seriously, what i get instead?

In this case I can't sense it.
You say my heart need to be fixed.
I say your glasses need to be fixed.
I say we need to talk about it.

I can't see it coming out from you.
Tell me when last time you tell me you love me.
Tell me when last time you tell me you miss me.
See, fix your glasses! Disorder is on your point of view..

The way I look at things are may different from you.
But The way I look at you will never change.
I can't see how exactly you look at me.
I can't see how you effortlessly keep me.

So, send me letters to know you miss me.
On the other hand, don't send me anything.

And if I ever lose this feeling,
You'll just have to blame yourself.
Your effortless acts change nothing.
I tried and I'm now tired.

And so she screamed:

She's left there alone.
With noone to hold.
No destination.
She couldn't help the fact that she's got nobody to count on.
She'd screamed so loud till she pulled out her notebook.
She's got all this stuff stuck on her mind.
And she says,

Pain.
Anybody please help me, I feel pain.
I don't know what's the healer.
Give me the medicine...
Let me live.

Pain.
And it hurts a lot.
And it forces these tears to finally bursts out
And it got me finally on my knees begging for no more pain.

Pain.
I used to dream about fairytale.
I used to have high expectation.
But now I'm hoping for nothing more but all that I've got.
Hoping for at least I could still have it.
Hoping for at least not to lose it.

Pain.
I'm in pain now.
Do you care?
Do you notice it?

Pain.
It's now all around me.
I'm having no more room to breathe.
And I've got no oxycan.
It's a mental suffering.

Pain.
I don't know what else to say.
You didn't seem to care anyway.
Do you?

LOVE

Not as always it is to be spoken
Not as always it is to be written
For more, you can prove it to me
Your gesture, your attitude can tell me

How you act can tell me no lies

satu kata yang ampuh

Dan semua menghilang... seperti kata vokalisnya garasi dalam lagunya "hilang". Tapi, dalam hal ini, yang hilang beda.. semua yang hilang hanya karena kata serius. Kata itu sangat jitu. Mempan untuk membuat seorang Ajeng merasa tenang. Dan semua rasa itu pun hilang. Rasa yang mudah untuk didefinisikan oleh satu kata. Tapi kata itu nggak akan diekspose di sini. Nanti buyar semuanya. Nanti apa yang dipunya bukan rahasia lagi. Nanti semua orang pada tau. Cukup seorang Ajeng dan Dia yang tau. Cukup jadi rahasia kita berdua.