I can't.. No, I'm in red!

this time, when you could know something, you chose not to, because you can't. and you live with uncertainty.

this time, when you could be happy and smiling a lot, you chose not to, because you can't. and you stop.

this time, when you could be in love, you run away, because you can't. why I can't? you all know the reason..

instead of being in an absolute joy, being in an absolute grief.. because I can't

instead of being in blue, being in red is better.. a whole lot better.. and i'm feeling red now..

*what's red by the way?*.. lol.. I don't care.. as long as it's red, i'd love it anyway.. and who cares?

and what's that pic there doing? nothing.. I just wanna share it with you guys.. twas taken in venice

pelangi

kupetik sebuah apel, kupetik sebuah jeruk, dan kupetik sebuah mangga. Buah yang paling mudah dimakan ya si apel, tinggal digigit saja. Si jeruk dan mangga ku taro di keranjang. Ku pandangi seluruh kebun, semua pohon tertawa padaku, kupandangi rumput, dan mereka menengadah mengintimidasiku. Kupandangi awan, dan semuanya tidak memperdulikanku. Kucermati tetes hujan.. satu-satunya hal yang bisa melebur denganku.. yang toleran denganku.. terima kasih untuk tetes air mataku..

Apel itu tidak membantu apa-apa. Jeruk dan Mangga juga hanya memberatkan bawaanku saja. Kukira dengan mencoba itu semua, aku bisa tumbuh dan bahagia..tapi memang sungguh sulit menemukan kebahagiaan itu..

hingga ku sanggup pandangi horison dan mencari pelangi..aku menunggu pelangi..

its a problem

so far i'm losing myself... I don't recognize the soul inside this body, the thoughts this brain produced and every feeling this heart exhale.. as if..

this and that and broken and happy and naive and stupid and ruthless and fucked up and clueless and ....

i shout and scream and do what i want.. for all this time these seem to be me and careless for being abandoned and pain for being left alone..

emotionally troubled and heart attack and scary and flame and crazy and everything just turns out to be a bit disappointing..

lack of interest in finding proton..

why is it so hard to tame my heart?
why is it too easy to be this crazy?

lack of self-control..

i'd want to say it tho..

he didn't even bother to say 'Hello'
why should i bother he hadn't say so?

he once stopped by to assure himself that we were okay
he didn't think that by asking me, he'd brought up the fire

for what he thought was best, it was just for him
for what he thought was for us, it's him being selfish
the more i know him, the more i hate him
the more i hate him, the more i think of him
so, laugh on me...

when i'll get my brain washed?
when i'll get my heart washed?

i am just too pathetic..

and even if i remember friend of mine once said that he didn't like seeing me being pathetic, it just wouldn't help in anyway..it supposed to be me being selfreliant. to believe that i am bigger that what i think am now that i could handle something bigger than before. but then i thought to myself that i haven't had anything else even as big as the past. so, will i ever get bigger somehow? i want to learn new things, new problems, but it just seems like i don't have any options of having any. have i been too closed?

.sepi mental.

kenapa ITU berasa seperti siklus? ada kalanya gw ga menghiraukan ITU, tapi ada kalanya gw tergila-gila akan ITU, ada kalanya gw ga bisa melepaskan pikiran gw dari ITU.

apa ini karena sepi mental? karena hati butuh berlabuh.

i don't want to be a liar.

i don't want to be a liar.

But, in this time i don't really know whether I've been sincere or not in anything in live.. I guess life's made of some bull and truth. we mix them all with good measure so our lives' look good to all people. the recipes that makes other jealous of what we call lie.. So the question now is, have I been lying? small stuff? big stuff? huge stuff? I don't know exactly..

art or photography?

gw bingung.

apa fotografi itu suatu bentuk seni?

Kalau memang itu adalah seni, mengapa harus dinilai oleh orang lain? Seni lebih dimengerti oleh orang peng-karya-nya (sebutan gw untuk seniman). Bener, kan?

Sebetulnya, ada sebagian dari fotografi itu yang bisa dinilai oleh orang banyak, yang dimengerti oleh orang banyak. Tapi, menurut gw, tetep aja ada bagian tertentu dari fotografi yang hanya bisa dimengerti oleh pengkarya itu sendiri. Atau mungkin fotografi yang demikian tidak mencerminkan fotografi itu sendiri? Mungkin itu hanya suatu hasil dari kamera yang secara langsung membuat orang berfikir itu adalah fotografi? Padahal mungkin tidak memenuhi kaidah dari fotografi dan prinsip-prinsip standarnya? Memiliki makna dan sebagainya? Bagaimana dengan orang yang suka melihat sesuatu yang menarik tanpa harus memikirkan makna dibalik itu? I'd call it art, and I took it with my camera, and I'll call it photography.

Don't call me shallow. It's just me and my peculiar attitude. And I'll do what I want.

Yah, memang art itu ada maknanya.. but let's just say I do what I want, and I name it art.

Untuk hal ini, gw perlu opini banyak orang, oleh karena itu, post ini bakal gw taro di smua blog gw.. so don't get fed up with this post. thank you.